Weightless
by Blue421
Summary: "Adam, I DO accept you.  I told you that yesterday.  I don't care that you're an FTM.  I don't want you to do something permanent just because of me.  You have to do this because YOU want to."  Kadam One Shot.  COMPLETE.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

The title for this one shot came from the song _Weightless_ by **City & Colour**.

_**Come close,**_  
><em><strong> Lay next to me<strong>_  
><em><strong> I need to tell you something important<strong>_

_**Because it's your eyes that I don't believe  
>And my heart, you will, you will mislead<br>Do you know the consequence that comes with having such confidence?**_

* * *

><p>The radio show had gone well and when Katie told him that he should sign up for the prom fundraiser, he was surprised. Katie was cute and Adam liked her, but he was hesitant. The last two times he had pursued a girl, it hadn't ended well for him. But was Katie worth it? He thought that she wasn't until Dave came to him during math.<p>

"Dude, go for it. She's in to you. She was dropping hints left and right."

"You think so?"

"Definitely. Go sign up. She wants you to."

After math, Adam headed straight for the signup sheet and eagerly wrote down his name. When he entered the gym later that day, he was pleased to see Katie's face light up. They exchanged some flirty banter and Adam was pleased with the way things were going. He decided to take the risk.

"So…I need a partner for this show still." He said as he took a step toward the girl in front of him.

Katie gulped and moved her eyes away from his. Adam saw her smile before she regained her composure and looked back at him.

"You do. Don't worry, I'll find someone for you."

"How about you? Do you have a partner?"

Katie blushed and once again stared down at the floor. "I don't have a partner." She glanced up. "I'd love to be yours."

"Really?" Adam couldn't believe that she had agreed. "You know I'm trans, right?" Adam blurted as he felt his cheeks heat up.

"I know. Did I do something wrong?" Katie asked as she tucked her hair behind her ear and bit her lip softly.

"No, I just wanted you to know. I figured I'd let you know right away. I've had some bad experiences when it comes to waiting to tell." Adam explained as he reached out and took the tuxedo shirt from her hands. He held it up and frowned slightly. It looked pretty small.

"I've always seen you as one of the guys. You're great, Adam." Katie shrugged.

"I am?" Adam asked in disbelief as he lowered the shirt so he could look at her.

Katie smiled and nodded her head.  
>"But for right now, you need to head over there and practice for tonight. I have some stuff to pull together." She turned and started to walk away but suddenly spun on her heel and said, "I'm looking forward to tonight, Adam." Her cheeks reddened and she turned and hurried away from him.<p>

As Adam processed her words, he couldn't help the large grin that spread across his face. He threw the shirt over his shoulder and headed to join the other boys.

* * *

><p>"You look really pretty!" Adam shouted to a scared looking Katie.<p>

"Thanks! You look great too. I'm really nervous." She replied as she fiddled with her necklace.

"Don't be. Everything will be ok." Adam offered her his arm which she gladly took. As they linked arms, the spotlight shone on the two of them. Adam noticed out of the corner of his eye that Katie had glanced down. At his chest. At his chest in that damn too tight shirt.

"What's wrong?" Adam asked nervously as he turned his head to look at her.

Katie's head snapped up and she looked straight forward. "Nothing."

Adam felt his face fall. It was happening again. He knew he shouldn't have gone for it. He forced himself to plaster a smile on his face and push through the embarrassment he felt coursing through his body.

* * *

><p>With Adam following behind, Katie led the way through the backstage changing area once the show was finished. She was rambling on about the book signing that Adam had agreed to go to with her. Adam was only half listening. Instead he was searching for someone. Someone he desperately needed to talk to. When he spotted her, Adam reached out and pulled on Katie's elbow. She stopped and turned to look at him.<p>

"What's up?" She asked as she furrowed her eyebrows.

"I just remembered that I need to do something. Go get changed and I'll meet you back here." Adam smiled and Katie hesitated before she smiled too and then turned to go get her clothes.

Adam doubled back and tapped the girl he was looking for on the shoulder. "Marisol, can I talk to you?"

"Hey, Adam! Sure you can."

"You're Katie's best friend right?" She nodded. "Good. So that means you'd know how she feels about things? About people?"

"She talked about you."

"She did?" Adam coughed in an attempt to hide how hopeful his voice sounded. "What did she say?"

"She thinks you're…interesting."

"Interesting is good, right?"

"I think so. Oh, wait. Do you like her?"

"Yea…is that a problem?"

"If I'm going to be honest, I don't think you're her type. I don't think she'd ever go for you."

"What? Why not? She asked me to go to a book signing with her tomorrow. It seems like she likes me."

"Physically you're not her type." Marisol said bluntly. "Sorry." She brushed passed him without another word and left him standing there completely shell shocked.

He barely had time to think about what Marisol had said before he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped and then turned to see Katie standing behind him.

"Are you ready to go? I was thinking we could get some coffee at The Dot before you walked me home."

"I can't. I can't walk you home either. I'm sorry, something came up." Adam kept his eyes focused on his feet as he shifted his weight.

"Are you ok? What happened?"

"I'm great, Katie." Adam cleared his throat. "Nothing happened. I just have to take care of this before I go home. I'm sorry that I can't walk you home."

"Well, if you're sure. Don't forget about tomorrow." She said as she lifted her finger to point at him.

"Right. The book signing. Bye, Katie." Adam didn't wait for her response, but instead pushed past her. He knew he had been rude to her but he had to get away. He had no intentions of meeting her at that book signing. He couldn't let this happen again.

He quickly changed out of the ugly shirt that had ruined everything. He pulled his uniform polo over his head and as he was leaving the bathroom, he threw the offensive shirt away. He burst through the door and ran straight into Dave.

"Woah man, where's the fire?" Dave asked as he reached out both hands to grasp Adam's shoulders in an attempt to steady him.

"Look at my chest." Adam asked abruptly.

"What?" Dave removed his hands from Adam's shoulders and took a step backwards.

"I look like I have man boobs right? Dave, look at my chest. Please?"

"No, I can't."

"Dave, please? We're friends. Friends help each other." Adam pleaded before Dave sighed and finally gave in. His eyes drifted downward and Adam held his breath. Dave muttered something under his breath before speaking loud enough for Adam to understand, "Sorry man. I know you're trying but those don't look like man boobs."

"Dammit!" Adam yelled as he kicked the garbage can next to him.

"Dude, calm down. What's wrong?"

"Katie! I told her I'm trans just like you said I should. She seemed ok with it but then I put on that stupid shirt and I caught her staring. I knew she'd be weirded out!"

"Did she actually say that?"

"Well, no, but Marisol said Katie would never be interested in me because of how I look physically." Adam practically shouted this as he reached up and grabbed a fistful of hair.

Dave watched Adam struggle and he felt bad for his co-host.

"Listen man, you need to talk to her. Marisol may think she knows everything, but she doesn't. Talk to Katie before you beat yourself up over this."

"There's no point! Who would ever want me looking like this? I don't match the way I feel about myself. If I can't fully accept who I am, how can I expect someone else to? I think I need to make some changes."

"Changes? What kind of changes, Adam?"

"Physical ones. Thanks for the talk. I've got to go." He didn't hesitate before he took off down the hall, ignoring Dave shouting after him.

* * *

><p>When Adam got home, he decided to take a shower. He entered the small bathroom that he and Drew shared and shut and locked the door behind him. He moved to the shower and started up the hot water. He pulled his shirt over his head and did something he normally avoided. He looked at himself in the mirror. He could see that Dave was right. It was getting harder and harder to hide the fact that he was physically a girl. He had to do something about it. With a sigh he removed the rest of his clothes and pulled back the shower curtain. Adam stepped into the tub and felt the hot water run all over him. Adam leaned further into the warm spray and shut his eyes. He thought back to what had happened earlier that day. How could he have misinterpreted things so horribly? He thought that Katie was into him. Hell, even Dave thought that Katie was interested. Adam wondered if he should even listen to Marisol. She was Katie's best friend, but did she know for sure that Katie felt that way? Had they had a conversation about it? Adam couldn't help but feel confused about everything. When Adam had told Katie that he was trans, she was worried she had done something to offend him. It was like she cared. Did she care for him or was he reading too far into things? But if she didn't care, then why had she looked at his chest? Adam opened his eyes and glanced down. He had to do something about this. He had to make his body match the way he felt. Binding wasn't working anymore.<p>

Adam shut off the water without even washing his hair. He wrapped himself in a towel, grabbed his dirty clothes to put in the laundry basket, and headed back for his room. He put on clean clothes and slid into his desk chair. He jiggled the mouse to wake up his computer and he pulled up the browser he had been using before school that morning. He opened a new tab and quickly typed in what he was looking for. Adam scrolled through the list of websites and found one that he found would be the most helpful. He read through the page describing top surgery and he began to realize that this is what he wanted. This would be a step in the right direction to make him feel like he was in the right body. He quickly printed the pages, gathered them up, and ran out of his room to show them to his mom.

* * *

><p>The talk with his mom hadn't gone exactly how Adam had expected. It involved a lot of questions and then later a lot of yelling. Once he accidentally let it slip that he had caught the girl he liked staring at his chest, his mother had questioned exactly why he wanted the surgery. Adam tried to convince her that it was because he wanted to feel normal and that he just wanted his body to match his mind, but she wasn't buying it.<p>

"You're doing this for some girl. Adam, I thought you were smarter than this." She had reached forward to hold his hands.

Adam tugged his hands out of her grasp and stood up from the couch.  
>"Mom, you don't get it! I'm not just doing this for some girl! I'm a guy mom. A guy. How can I feel like a guy when I have a chest that I can barely keep hidden anymore? Mom, please, you have to let me do this!"<p>

"I don't know, Adam. It's a big step."

"It's a step that would make me happy! Please!"

"We'll think about it."

"But mom!"

"Adam, I said we would think about it!"

Adam felt his heart sink. He glared at her before he scooped the papers up off the coffee table and headed for the stairs. He climbed them slowly as he thought about how unfair everything was. Why couldn't she accept him and his choices? He wanted this. He needed it.

When he got to his room, he shut the door behind him and he let the papers fall from his hand before he collapsed onto his bed. He stared at the ceiling before he finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>Adam's eyes flew open as the alarm clock on his nightstand began blaring some awful, too-upbeat-for-this-hour song. He slammed his hand down on the clock, shutting it off. He reached up and rubbed at his eyes. He rolled over and saw the papers strewn across his bedroom floor. The conversations he had had with Katie, Marisol, Dave, and his mother the previous day came flooding back into his mind. He groaned before pulling his bedsheet up over his head. He laid there for a few more minutes before he heard a knock on his bedroom door.<p>

"What?" Adam snapped, still beneath the bedsheets.

He heard his door open and he knew that it was his mother. "I just wanted to make sure that you were awake. You're going to school today."

Adam pulled the sheet down from over his head and turned to stare at her. "Really, mom? I had no idea."

"Adam, it's too early for your attitude and your sarcasm. Get out of bed. Downstairs in fifteen. I'm making pancakes." She narrowed her eyes at him for effect but Adam simply rolled his. She left the room and shut the door behind her. Adam waited a few more minutes before he reluctantly threw back the covers and swung his feet out of bed. He dressed quickly in his Degrassi uniform before he shuffled down the hall to finish getting ready in the bathroom. Ten minutes later he was sitting at the kitchen table, shoveling pancakes into his mouth.

* * *

><p>Adam stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked up at the front doors of Degrassi. He was too nervous to enter. He was both excited and afraid to run into Katie. He was excited because he wanted to tell her his plans. He was afraid because he wasn't sure how she would react. What if this wasn't good enough? What if his plans still didn't make her want him the way he wanted her? He took a deep breath and shook his head as if he could knock the thoughts from his mind. He climbed the stairs and headed into the school.<p>

* * *

><p>He found Katie at her locker. He approached her as she was putting a red notebook and her Chemistry book into her bag. As she hoisted it onto her right shoulder, Adam spoke up.<p>

"I'm sorry about last night."

She jumped slightly and looked up at him.  
>"Oh. Hey, Adam. It's alright. Are you sure you were ok?"<p>

"I was a jerk to you. I'm sorry about that."

"Water under the bridge. Are we still on for tonight?" She smiled and Adam couldn't help but notice that she sounded…excited?

"About that." Katie's face fell. "Listen, I don't want your pity."

"My…pity? What are you-"

"I saw the way you looked at my chest last night."

"Adam, no, it wasn't like-"

"Katie, I get it. You'd never be interested in me physically. That's why I'm going to be making some changes."

"Changes? What do you mean?"

"Physical ones."

"Adam, what are you talking about?"

"Top surgery. I want to get top surgery."

Katie stared at Adam before she opened her mouth to speak. She quickly shut it as she thought of how she wanted to phrase her thoughts.

"Adam, are you doing this because of me?" She asked slowly.

"No! I want this."

Katie stared at him and cocked an eyebrow.

"Ok, you're a part of the reason I want to do this. I…like you Katie. I just want you to accept me."

"Adam, I DO accept you. I told you that yesterday. I don't care that you're an FTM. I don't want you to do something permanent just because of me. You have to do this because YOU want to."

"But you were staring at my chest…"

"I was. But not for the reason you think."

"Well then enlighten me. Why were you staring?"

"I felt bad, Adam. You had seemed so worried about the shirt when I gave it to you. I had no idea it would be that tight on you. If I had known I would have tried to find something else for you to wear. We had just talked about not liking to be in front of a whole bunch of people and I was worried about how people were going to react. I'm sorry. I handled it the wrong way. Adam, I swear to you, I don't care that you were born in the wrong body. To me, you are a guy. And for the record, I like you too." Katie trailed off as her cheeks began to warm up.

"You do?"

Katie nodded. "I don't have a lot of experience with guys, I get too nervous around them, but it's different with you. I'm comfortable being around you. I like being around you. You're funny, witty, easy to talk to. I could go on but I don't want to boost your ego too much." Katie winked and Adam laughed at her words.

"I feel exactly the same way about you, Katie. I had a lot of fun yesterday and I really would love to get to know you more."

"Then I guess it's a good thing we have that book signing to go to later tonight. If you still want to go that is."

"I wouldn't miss it."

"Great. See you at The Dot at 6:30?"

"It's a date. Uhh well, you know what I mean…" Adam said awkwardly as he rubbed at the back of his neck.

"Hey, Adam?" Katie breathed as she took a step closer to him.

Adam gulped. "Yea?"

"It's a date."

And with that, she leaned in and placed a kiss on his cheek.


End file.
